Touhou 3: A Retelling
by Metroid Life
Summary: What really happened in Touhou 3... probably.


Reimu flew into the ruins, anxious to get her gift. Huh? Oh, you want to know how she got there? Well, it started a few hours before. Reimu left the Hakurei Shrine, only to discover someone had put some ancient ruins next to her shrine while she slept. Irritated by this, she was about to storm in and beat up whoever was in there, but then several other people showed up, all wanting to go in too. She had no idea why until Mima and Marisa showed up and explained that everyone had gotten pamphlets that said:

_The ancient ruins: "Fantasy Ruins"Grand opening, 10am todayCome visit us, and we'll give you a present guaranteed to make you happy. We sincerely look forward to your patronage._

Everyone was about to go in, but then they saw a sign between them and the ruins. It said:

_Inside the Fantasy Ruins _

_Capacity: 1 person _

_The capacity must be strictly observed. If the capacity is exceeded, then We can no longer guarantee the existence of these ruins in this dimension._

Realizing only one of them could go in, the visitors solved the problem in the finest spirit of how Gensokyo solves everything: By beating each other into a bloody, danmaku-filled pulp until only one remained standing. It didn't surprise Reimu at all that she won, though it was a bit disturbing that Marisa and Mima flew off before they could finish their battle. Still, she won, and off she went into the ruins, wondering what she would get out of all this, steadfastly ignoring the words of her flying turtle Genji. She hadn't learned to fly yet, so it was up to him to get her around. It was a job he had done for all her life, even when she was just learning to walk, and he was starting to get tired of it. He wouldn't have minded so much if she at least kept up her end of the conversation, but more often than not she just used him as a convenient ride to Hell and back, often literally. As they flew, the halls started to look less like ruins and more like some kind of metal. Unknown to them, Marisa and Mima had followed them into the ruins, having deduced that the ruins weren't going to vanish anytime soon. Their plan: to sneak attack Reimu and get whatever gifts were here for themselves. But soon all four of them were distracted by the strange machines and other oddities that covered the place. While Reimu was looking around, Marisa whispered, "Mima-sama, I think we're being followed, ze." Mima looked confused.

"How? We're doing the following and we left those other fools at the entrance." Someone behind her laughed.

"Is that so, you accursed spirit?" The two spun around to see that the 'other fools' had followed them. They were Kotohime, an insane princess who thought she was a cop, Kana Anaberal, a poltergeist in search of a new home, and Rikako Asakura, a magically gifted scientist. All of them looked rather beat up, but they still had plenty of strength left. Rikako spoke up. "You two have gone far enough! We won't allow your evil to infect this hollowed place of Science!" The other two chimed in,

"Also, revenge!" Rikako rolled her eyes.

"Well, that's why I'm here, anyway. These two just want revenge. So just leave now or face our combined might!" Marisa met her challenge with scorn.

"It looks like you three want another taste of my lasers, ze. The two of us could beat you guys blindfolded!" Mima looked ahead and Reimu leaving down the hall. Deciding to end this quickly, she summoned her crescent moon staff.

"As much as I love to see you fight, Marisa, I need you to leave this to me."

"But-"

"We don't have time to waste. You're too slow, and Reimu's getting away, so I'll just use my full power and end these morons quickly." Her eyes glowed red, the room darkened, and a blinding energy engulfed her. When it disappeared, Mima practically radiated power, and had two demonic wings that didn't so much block light as stifle it entirely. She grinned as her enemies backed away in fear. Finally, Rikako snarled and fired a missile at her. Mima swatted it away like a fly, grinning. "If you have any sense, you'll run now." Taking her advice, Kotohime ran off, screaming something about not wanting to be a cop anymore. Rikako yelled at her as she fled.

"Coward! She's just a ghost, we can beat her! We… can…" Then the scientist realized Mima was right next to her. Mima smiled at her sweetly, but a horrible wrath was clear in her eyes.

"Just so you know…" She blasted Rikako into a wall. "I am NOT a ghost!" She turned to deal with Kana, but the poltergeist had already left in fear. Mima returned to normal and the room brightened. "Well, I'm done here. Let's go, Marisa." The two quickly caught up to Reimu, since she was drifting forward to take in the sights. Soon they all reached a large gate. Reimu was about to enter, when someone yelled,

"Freeze, you!" Reimu looked around but didn't see anyone.

"Wha! Wh-who's there?" A girl walked up to her, holding a gun.

"So, you're the strongest magician? ...Hurry up and come with me."

"What's going on?" The girl pointed the gun at her.

"This may look small, but it's a lethal weapon. Do as I say, if you value your life." Reimu stared at her like she was crazy.

"What's with these ruins? …Are you an ancient, or a mummy, or something?" The girl gave her the same crazy stare and said,

"Of course not! You think these are ruins?"

"Well…"

"Anyway, let's go." She pointed towards the gate.

"Now, wai-" Before she could say anything else, another girl ran out of the gate and punched Reimu's captor. Glaring at the girl, she said,

"Who told you to use such hospitality? Pointing guns at people like that is wrong!" The girl grinned.

"But it's more fun this way!" The other girl hit her a few more times in response.

"You're scaring are long-awaited guest!" Realizing Reimu was staring at them, she said, "Oh, please excuse the odd reception." Reimu kept staring at them.

"What's with you two anyway?"

"I am the captain of this ship, Yumemi Okazaki. It is a pleasure to meet you." The gun girl spoke up.

"And I'm her crew member, Chiyuri Kitashirakawa. Charmed." Reimu seemed to just realize what they were saying.

"Wait a second. Did you say _ship_? You mean these ruins are some kind of vessel?" Yumemi nodded.

"Yes, but it's not the kind of ship that sails over the seas, or flies over the clouds, or even floats through outer space. This is what you might call a probability space hypervessel. I'm using it to search for a power that lies outside the Grand Unified Theory. It looks like I've already found it though. That power of yours... Oh, to think that I will see that magic with my own eyes." Reimu seemed angry at this.

"It's not magic." Yumemi ignored her.

"Oh, to think I will see that magic with my own eyes!"

"I said it's not magic! It's divine power!"

"It's magic!" Reimu shrugged.

"…Oh, whatever. Anyway, I guess I don't really get all of this, but are you going to give me something?" Yumemi looked confused.

"Give you what?" Reimu showed her the pamphlet.

"It says you'd give me something in this pamphlet!" The two looked over it, and Chiyuri started laughing.

"Oh, I wrote those!" Yumemi glared at her and read through the pamphlet.

"Hmm… what is… give you a present… Is this the only reason you came here?" Reimu nodded.

"You are going to give me something, right?"

"Well, you were promised _some_thing. All I want to do is study your power. Once I know its secret, I'll have my revenge on the Academy!" She started laughing manically while Chiyuri tried to explain.

"You see, the captain believes in the theory of magic, a force which can't be explained by the Grand Unified Theory. She even went to the academic community with her Non-Unified Magic World theory. When it was published, she became a laughingstock." Yumemi abruptly stopped laughing.

"Yes, and soon they will pay! Anyway, if your magic really is strong, I'll grant you a wish within my power." Reimu shrugged.

"Well, if you're granting me a wish, I guess it's ok." Yumemi grinned.

"Well, do your best, Chiyuri. I'll be monitoring everything." Chiyuri stared at her, confused.

"And with that you mean…"

"I mean I want you to fight her!" Chiyuri sweated nervously.

"Man. I was afraid of that…" Yumemi punched her again.

"Quit griping and just attack her, already! You have the scientific magic I created, don't you? Anyway, I don't expect you to win, but I won't accept an instant defeat. I have precious data to collect!" Chiyuri sighed and glared at Reimu.

"Oh well, no way out of it… let's battle!" Reimu grinned and her Hakurei Yin-Yang Orbs appeared. Marisa and Mima grinned from their hiding place in the shadows.

"Hey, Mima-sama, I'll bet 200 yen Reimu wins." Mima laughed.

"Ha! That's a sucker's bet, but I guess I'll put 50 on Chiyuri."

TWO MINUTES LATER

Chiyuri collapsed, with several orb-shaped bruises. Yumemi was furious, of course.

"Chiyuri! You lost too quickly!"

"But-"

"No buts! I wasn't able to get enough data! And if you'd just won, we could even have taken her back with us! Honestly…" Reimu glared at her.

"What was that!" Yumemi laughed.

"Yes, I have found magic to be a magnificent power on this world... ...However, mere observation will not be enough. I'm going to take you back and experiment on you until I can harness this power and make it mine!" Reimu smirked.

"Hmm, I thought all that talk about granting my wishes was too good to be true. But your scientific magic thingy lost. How do you think you're going to defeat me?"

"My scientific magic is, after all, fake magic... It can't hope to rival the real thing. Really, it's nothing more than positive photonsand light waves. I may not have magic, but I have science! And I do have some knowledge of the occult." Mima and Marisa laughed from their hiding spot, and Reimu frowned.

"What does the occult have to do with anything?"

"Err, nothing. Well, okay. If you win, then just like I said, I'll grant you your wish. However, if I win, then you'll come back with us to our world. Isn't that fair? Anyway, you're in no position to argue."

"Whatever, I won't lose!" Yumemi's hands started glowing, but then she realized something.

"Just a minute. I need to change into something more suitable for battle." She ran off, and Reimu laughed.

"Wow, you aren't nervous at all, are you?" Yumemi came back looking, at least in her own mind, far more awesome. Reimu, for her part, just said, "All you did was add a cape…" Yumemi growled and her hands started glowing.

"Put your heart into this fight! If you die we can't bring you back home!"

"Same to you!" Yumemi blinked confusedly.

"You want to take me back… Ah, whatever! Here we go!" Reimu grinned as the two of them glowed with power.

"Just remember, this isn't magic, it's divine power." She started the battle by firing her orbs at Yumemi, who grinned and summoned up giant crosses made of data, stopping the attack. Reimu grabbed her orbs and flew around the crosses, but Yumemi simply made more and started shooting danmaku at Reimu. Reimu smiled at how easily it was to dodge. There was no patterns to watch for, just speed and desperation. Reimu fired off some of her homing amulets, which Yumemi frantically tried to avoid, but it was futile. She tried to fly down in hopes of tricking the amulets into hitting the floor, but they slammed her into the ground for her troubles. Reimu swooped in to finish her off, but Yumemi summoned another cross, which Reimu flew right into face first. The two shook off their wounds quickly and got back to shooting at each other. The crosses blocked Reimu's homing amulets, and Genji was too fast for Yumemi to hit Reimu. Yumemi grinned.

"The way this is going, this fight could last forever!" Reimu laughed.

"Yeah, but you forgot one thing-" She hopped off of Genji and disappeared. Yumemi looked around, but the shrine maiden was nowhere to be found. Suddenly, the Yin-Yang Orbs flew out of nowhere and smashed into her gut, and Reimu appeared above her, shouting, "-this is divine power!" and punched her into the ground. Reimu floated over her, laughing in triumph. Genji flew over to Reimu, saying,

"Mistress, you're flying on your own!"

"Of course I am, you silly old-" Suddenly she fell like a stone, landing right on Yumemi. "Ok, maybe I need to practice a bit more…" Yumemi shoved Reimu off of her and walked over to Chiyuri.

"Chiyuri, are you ok?"

"Aye, captain, it's just bruises."

"Good. Now get up, we're going to double-team her!"

"I don't think that will help…"

"Nonsense, she couldn't hit me until she got off the turtle, and as you can see, she can't fly for long without it. Now come on, don't you want to win?"

"Right, right…" Chiyuri got up, and they started glowing with power. Irritated, Reimu hopped back on Genji.

"Oh, now the two of you are going to cheat, huh? Fine, let's go!" Chiyuri started things off by firing lasers at Reimu, while Yumemi summoned more crosses, with the effect of Reimu swerving to dodge the lasers and almost running into the crosses. She threw homing amulets at them, but the fact that there was two of them screwed up her aim. In the end she just threw the amulets between them, and the homing part did the rest. The two smiled and simply flew past each other, tricking the amulets into hitting each other. Mima watched all of this and smiled grimly.

"I knew I should have betted more. Looks like Reimu's going to lose after all." Marisa watched worriedly.

"You said you wanted to be the one to beat her… maybe we should help her out?"

"Ha! Sorry, that's not good enough, Marisa. As much as I'd love to get even with her for last time, I'd settle for these two taking her. Why'd you ask, Marisa?"

"Well… things would be boring without her around, I figure. Besides, she'd probably make her way back here eventually, ze."

"Hmm, good point. Well, if it means that much to you, Marisa, go on and save her. Don't expect me to do anything, though; this is your moment, not mine." Marisa grinned and flew off.

"Thanks, Mima-sama!" Meanwhile, Chiyuri and Yumemi had finally boxed Reimu in. The two about to were about to finish her off when _something_ flew past them, pelting them with star-maku. "Hey, Reimu's mine! If anyone's killing her, it's me, ze!" Yumemi glared at Marisa.

"Just who are you, barging into our fight like that?"

"Hey, I'm just evening things out! Two on one isn't fair… but since you asked, the name's Marisa Krisame, the Ordinary Magician!" Yumemi's eyes widened.

"Did you hear that, Chiyuri? A real magician! She even admitted it, unlike the other one! Let's get her instead!" Chiyuri looked worried.

"Captain, are you sure that's smart? Now we have to fight two of them…"

"Oh, quit whining! If we can beat one of them, this can't be much harder!"

"We only beat one by working together!"

"So?"

"I'm sorry, but victory just isn't happening here. I'm gonna sit this one out." She flew back to the ground and waited for the inevitable. Yumemi stared at her dumbfounded for a second, then she realized she had two angry 'magicians' to deal with. Reimu and Marisa closed in, grinning.

"So, uh, you two… maybe we can just talk this out?" Reimu's orbs glowed, and Marisa laughed.

"Nope!" Meanwhile, on the ground, Mima floated over to Chiyuri, who didn't even look surprised.

"So, I guess you're with those two?"

"Just the witch. The purple-haired one's kind of a rival of mine. Anyway, I heard something about wishes being granted." Chiyuri looked up.

"Ask Yumemi, I'm sure she'll be able to help you, assuming she'll still be alive."

"Ah, they're not going to kill her, don't worry about that. You know, if you wanted to see magic, you could have just asked me. I taught Marisa everything she knows."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I wouldn't suggest it unless you want me to blow up you ship."

"…I see. What about Marisa?"

"Huh? Nah, she's too nice to do something like that. Still, it's nice to see her put that magic to work. She's my pride and joy, and if you ever tell her I said that, I'll hunt you down and gut you like a fish." Chiyuri backed away slowly.

"Well, don't worry, I won't tell anyone, miss…?"

"Call me Mima. Oh, looks like they're done." Sure enough, Reimu and Marisa floated down, carrying a rather beat up Yumemi. Her clothes were torn, her hair was smoking from Marisa's lasers, and every part of her was covered in bruises. She was barely conscious, but that didn't stop the three from badgering her for their wishes. After a hour or so of rest, she got up.

"Alright, you guys win. What do you want? Keep in mind that I'm only human, so make it reasonable." Reimu spoke up first.

"Well, I live at this large shrine, and it's awful having to clean it every day. Could you do something so I can finish cleaning really quick?" Yumemi smiled.

"Ok, I can give you our housekeeping android, how about that? Ruukoto, get out here!" A green-haired maid appeared behind her.

"Yes, Master?"

"Gah, how do you always sneak up on me like that? Anyway, the purple-haired girl is your new master, ok?" The maid nodded and walked over to Reimu, who hugged her.

"It's just what I had in mind, but is it really ok if I just take her?" Yumemi shrugged.

"Sure. I promised you, didn't I? Besides, I still have Chiyuri for that stuff, so it's fine." Glaring at Chiyuri, she yelled, "You hear that? This is what you get for abandoning me!" Looking at Marisa, she said, "And what do you want, Marisa?" Marisa considered it, and said.

"I want a weapon, something that doesn't work by magic."

"That's easily arranged, but it's too big to just hand to you. You'll find it waiting outside."

"Oh, this should be good! Mima-sama, don't let them leave till I check that it's there, ze!" Marisa flew off, cackling evilly. Yumemi looked at Mima.

"I guess that leaves you." Mima grinned.

"Yeah, it does, and unlike those two, I know exactly what I want! I want you to make it so every night is a full moon! That way I can be at full power all the time!" Yumemi looked at her like she was crazy. Reimu didn't seem to care. It might make her job harder, she could handle it… she hoped.

"What makes you think I can do that?"

"You just handed over a robot maid and unless I'm mistaken, you basically gave Marisa a flying bomb. If you can do this, I want it."

"Well… I suppose I could move the moon into a different orbit." She walked over to a computer, and pushed a few buttons, making a giant laser come out of the floor. A screen appeared on the wall, showing the moon. "All I need to do is fire at the moon a few times, and it should shift into an orbit with constant full moons, every night." She pressed the 'fire' button a few times, laughing manically. Once she was done, the laser and screen disappeared. "Well, that should do it, and I hope you guys enjoy the gifts. Maybe we'll come see you again sometime. You know, without the attempted kidnappings." Reimu grinned.

"That sounds nice. Well, see you." She and Yumemi shook hands, and the shrine maiden and evil spirit left, fruitlessly trying to ignore Marisa's squeals of joy.

Later that night, Mima flew about cackling as the clouds parted. "Yes! Now my true strength can come out, and Reimu will suffer!" Marisa was nearby, riding on what seemed to be a missile with a face painted on it.

"I'm happy for you, Mima-sama. And so's Mimi-chan! Isn't that right, Mimi?" She rubbed Mimi-chan the missile and it seemed to purr. Mima's laughter suddenly cut off. The clouds had moved, and all Mima could see was a crescent moon.

"Where's the full moon? Where is it? Those foolish humans! I'll hunt them down torture them until they beg for death! Then I'll… I'll…"

"Um, Mima-sama? They've already left Gensokyo, ze."

"I know!"

"Then how will you hunt them down?"

"I… don't know." She looked up at the moon again and shrugged. "Ah, being at full power all the time would be boring. No challenges anymore. I guess I'll let them live… this time."

"So, what do we do now?" Mima considered this. There were many possibilities, but one seemed far more appealing than the others.

"Do you wanna go bug Reimu?"

"Sure, let's go, ze!"

In her home dimension, Yumemi was writing a new theory in her room when Chiyuri came in. "Um, boss?"

"Yeah, Chiyuri?"

"You didn't really move the moon, did you?" Yumemi grinned.

"Of course not! It sure was easy to fake, though! I just wish I could see the look on that ghost's face…"

"Um, actually, she wasn't a ghost."

"Huh? How do you know?"

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. See, I was checking on the ship, and we have a stowaway."

"What!"

"Yeah. I found her unconscious in a hole in the wall. She said she ran into the 'ghost' and got blasted through the wall for calling her that. Anyway, she's a lot more friendly than the others."

"Oh?"

"She's a scientist, you see, and she came to the ship to see if science is better than magic."

"Then she'll be disappointed."

"I told her that, but she said our inexperince in fighting lead to our defeat, not science."

"Really?"

"She wants to see what science here is like, and doesn't mind us studing her magic, as long we respect her privacy."

"Really? I think me and her are going to get along great! What's her name?"

"She's called Rikako Asakura."

"Excellent! Lets go meet her, shall we?"

Reimu sat in front of the shrine, relaxing. "Isn't this great, Genji? No fighting or excitement, just time to relax!"

"I agree, Mistress. This peace is what we fight for, after all." Reimu snorted.

"I can't imagine why, it's boring!"

"But you just said-"

"I know what I said, I was being sarcastic! Oh look, there's Marisa! But… what's she flying on? And who's… oh no, why did she bring _her_?" Marisa and Mima floated down to her. "Hello Marisa, Hello, _Mima_!" Mima grinned.

"Oh, just ignore me, I'll be floating around."

"You know I can't ignore you, there's no telling what you'll do!"

"Yeah, I know." Reimu looked at Marisa, but she never let Mima out of her sight.

"So Marisa… just what are you flying on?"

"Oh, this? It's the weapon I got from those two weirdos. They called it a ICBM. Her name is Mimi-chan, ze."

"It's a weapon, huh? How do you use it?" Marisa shrugged.

"No idea. Isn't she cute, though?" Mimi-chan made a purring noise. "So, how's that cleaning robot working out for you?" Reimu sighed.

"Not so great. When I asked her to clean, she looked incredibly happy and got to it but… well, she's just horrible at it and was taking too long, so I ended up doing all the work anyway." Ruukoto walked over.

"Excuse me… where am I supposed to sweep again?"

"Oh, just sweep wherever you want. Anyway Marisa, why'd you bring Mima?" Marisa grinned.

"It's all part of her plan, ze! I distract you, and she steals your donation box!" Reimu screamed in horror.

"No! Not my donation box!" She turned around, and the box was still there. "You were saying, Marisa?" The magician frowned.

"That's weird, she said that's what she would do…" The two looked in the box, but it was barren and empty of money as ever. "Maybe she just didn't see the point, ze. I mean, no one ever donates to you anyway." Reimu glared at her.

"Yes they do! …very rarely, but it happens." A voice laughed and said,

"I'd like to donate something…" Reimu grinned ecstatically.

"Really? That's great! …Wait, who are you? I can't see you anywhere!" Suddenly Kana the poltergeist flew out the box, laughing.

"I'm donating me!"

"You can't do that! What does that even mean?"

"It means I'm haunting the shrine now!" Reimu and Mima shouted in unison,

"No you're not!" They looked at each other angrily for a second, then looked away while snarling. The two were about to blast Kana into obilvion, but then someone shouted,

"Halt!" They both looked at the shrine's entrance to see Kotohime, who walked over to Kana. "Are you Kana Anaberal?"

"Um, yes…"

"I'm placing you under arrest for loitering in the shrine's donation box, threatening to illegally haunt the Hakurei shrine, and ghostly trafficking."

"It's not illegal to haunt things!"

"Aha, so you admit to loitering!"

"What's ghostly trafficking, anyway?"

"That's selling or giving away a ghostly being like a slave."

"I did no such thing!"

"Ah, but you did! You donated youself to the shrine, remember?" Mima groaned.

"I thought you said you weren't a cop anymore. I remember you saying something like that when you ran away from me screaming." Kotohime blushed.

"Ah, that was embarrassing… well, I'm not a cop anymore! Congratulate me, everyone, I've been promoted!"

"To what?"

"I'm now a member of the CSI!"

"YEAH!" Everyone glared at Marisa. "What? It seemed appropriate, ze." Genji watched their antics and smiled. Looking at Reimu, he decided the shrine maiden was distracted enough and flew off. He didn't go far, just behind the shrine. Once there, he bowed his head in respect as a gap opened up. Yukari stepped out, grinning.

"You can change back now." Genji smiled gratefully and started glowing. His skin became lighter, his tail grew and seemed to divide. Soon the transformation was complete, and Ran Yakumo stood in his place. "It's good to see you're alright, Ran. Now, how is our adorable little shrine maiden?"

"She is growing stronger, Miss Yukari. She can't fly yet, though."

"I expected as much. Well, I suppose you'll have to keep riding her around, then. Don't worry, she'll learn to fly soon enough. I'll give her some… encouragement. That will be all, 'Genji'. You'd best return before Reimu gets suspicious." Ran changed back, and 'Genji' flew back to Reimu. Yukari walked back into her gap and it vanished, leaving nothing behind but a mischievous laugh.


End file.
